It's Time To Talk About Katie Holmes

I am a very lucky woman. I have a great, devoted, funny, handsome husband. I have a nice apartment in Brooklyn. I have been blessed with relatively good eyebrows and non-offensive ankle and foot shapes. Now, my luck has increased about a millionfold. I have a new job that involves reading tabloids for about the first hour of my job. It's like I've been praying, and God has been listening.

So, you see, girlfriend, I was busily "working" this Friday, and reading the April 24 issue of US. You know, the one with Lohan and Simpson on the cover with the word "FIGHT" in 78 point. In any case, there was a photo in there which awoke the sleeping giant within me. It was a psychotic, repellent, unbelievable photo of Katie Holmes, in what is estimated to be the 11th month of her "pregnancy" with Tom Cruise's bebe. Just take a look.

Think about it, people. Back in October, 2005, she suddenly appeared to be 5 months pregnant, outta nowhere. With her bellybutton popped out and everything. Here's a photo from October 8, 2005, the first time she was visibly pregnant. Doctors estimated her then at 5 months. That would put her at 11 months now. Jigga?

Let me just say this: I don't think little girl lost is preggers at all. I think that the allegedly sterile Cruise found someone so similar to him in bone structure and coloring (dark brown hair, hazel/greenish eyes, olive/gold skin, dimples, etc etc etc) that if it looks like EITHER of them, it will look like both of them. And must I mention the ever-so-suspect HOME SONOGRAM MACHINE? What can the purpose of this possibly be? Except to explain the ABSENCE OF DOCTOR/HOSPITAL VISITS????

I'm telling you: there is a white woman somewhere carrying some baby - either theirs, his, hers, or just a look alike. Something is rotten in nuttervillle. One woman's opinion.